Are you wondering how to get into boarding school? If you are hoping to get your son into one of the most selective boarding schools in the U.S., you and your son will have your work cut out for you, even with the most impeccable resume.
Every year, elite secondary boarding schools like Andover, Exeter, and Deerfield admit only a fraction of the hopefuls who apply. There are many qualified candidates who boast high test scores, athletic prowess, and an impressive amount of volunteer experience, and are not offered acceptance. With these top schools passing over so many excellent applicants, what can you do to give your son an edge?
1. Understand there’s no sure way to get into a top boarding school
As Director of Secondary School Counseling at The Fessenden School, Tim Murphy has helped families focus on finding the secondary boarding school that is the right fit for their son. After completing junior boarding school here, Fessenden’s graduates have gone on to top schools like Andover and Groton.
But, Tim says, even with his experience, it’s impossible to know for sure who one school will accept and who another will reject.
“What is an admissible profile one year might just be slightly on the outside looking in the next year,” he says.
2. Help him find his voice
So if your family has its eye on an elite boarding school, Tim says, it’s best to focus on what is important to you. Rather than trying to be the applicant that you think the school wants, it is more important to focus inward and find your voice.
Your child is unique given the fact that no one has lived his life, and no one has seen the world through his eyes. A powerful sense of self and ability to articulate this, both in the interview and on the application, is the best way to stand out from a crowd. The greater continuity that an admissions office sees in an application/applicant, the more likely the process will be successful.
Tim, a secondary school counselor at our junior boarding school, offered tips for helping your son stand out during the highly competitive boarding school admissions process.
3. Encourage him to make long-term commitments.
The more passionately an applicant has been involved in sports, an artistic endeavor, or a volunteer opportunity, the more meaningful it is to boarding school admissions departments, Tim says. What they’re looking for is “consistency of growth and development and the consistency of involvement,” he says.
“Schools want to be able to say, ‘He didn’t just pick up the violin. He didn’t just pick out all the best community service programs when he was in eighth grade because he knew he was applying that year,’” Tim says.
Instead, encourage your child to commit to something long-term, even as they explore other interests. Whether it's sports, volunteering, the arts, or something else, sustained involvement demonstrates dedication and the ability to stick with a task or goal over time. It shows he isn't just looking for quick wins or easy resume additions, but is genuinely interested in honing his abilities and contributing to his community.
4. Give him space to manage his own work and commitments.
Top secondary boarding schools—where many students live away from home for the first time in their lives—look for students who can work independently, structuring their days to meet their own needs and goals.
“Every day that students wake up at a boarding school, they are confronted with a variety of different decisions: ‘Do I go left? Do I go right?’” Tim shares. “Top secondary boarding schools believe it’s important that students take ownership of the decisions they make. And if their decisions don’t lead to a successful outcome, they should know how to say, ‘I’m going to learn from that and I’m going to move forward from that.’”
Tim encourages parents to give their sons the space to try, fail, and learn from their mistakes.
“While you can certainly stay on top of them, I think you need to learn to balance that and enter into a partnership with your son, where he starts to feel ownership and take pride in the work that he produces,” he says.
That’s the approach the staff and faculty of The Fessenden School take. While they keep a close eye on our middle school-aged students, offering guidance and support when they’re needed, they also allow students to take on tough challenges on their own, even if it means they’ll fail on their first try.
Watching your child grapple with challenges can be tough, but remember, it's through these struggles that they grow and learn. Top boarding schools seek students who can adapt, persevere, and thrive through challenges, making every stumble a stepping stone towards their success.
5. Encourage him to step outside of his comfort zone.
The leading secondary boarding schools admire perseverance in the face of a challenge. They seek out well-rounded students who try to develop their weaknesses as well as their strengths.
Tim encourages students at Fessenden not to pass on certain classes just because they struggle in those subjects. As a parent, you should do the same, he says.
“As soon as your son says, ‘I’m not good at it,’ then he’s given up,” Tim asserts.
But if he wants to know how to get into boarding school, he has to know that top boarding schools see academic challenges as opportunities to grow and gain the confidence and ability to take on whatever difficulties life brings.
The same goes for sports, Tim shares. Just because your son may not be the team captain, or even a starting player, it doesn’t mean he won’t learn valuable lessons like teamwork and commitment on the playing field.
Plus, he says, “There’s a huge amount of value in getting out there and playing a sport just to play and learn to be competitive because it’s fun.”
6. Help him become comfortable speaking with adults.
When it comes time for your son’s secondary boarding school interview, admissions officers will be watching to see if he makes eye contact, if he has a firm, confident handshake, if he speaks clearly and directly.
These days, with so much communication done through technology, Tim says, young boys don’t get many chances to practice the art of conversation with adults. But if you want your son to make a good impression at a boarding school interview, it’s important you help him find those opportunities to practice.
“I’m not saying encourage your son to go talk to any random stranger, but I think it’s important he learns to have those discussions, make that eye contact, choose his words carefully to personalize them for the person he’s speaking with,” Tim asserts.
The junior boarding school students at Fessenden gain these skills naturally as they interact with their teachers, dorm parents, and other school staff members.
“The boys that come through Fessenden know how to shake hands. They know how to look people in the eye. They know how to have genuine conversations with adults,” Tim says. “It certainly comes across when you sit down and talk with a boy.”
7. Make connections — but not too early.
Whether you’re trying to get your son into a specific boarding school or trying to find the right fit for him, you should get to know each of the schools in a variety of different ways. Tim recommends connecting with other families that have relationships with the schools you’re interested in to get a perspective on admissions, as well as the day-to-day lives of students there.
“Other families can certainly be helpful both in assessing the school and in making relationships with the school,” Tim shares.
But, he warns, “I certainly caution parents not to try to make those connections too soon.”
“We don’t think there’s value in trying to ‘game’ the world of admissions because, in doing that, you sometimes unintentionally hurt yourself,” Tim says. “If you introduce your son to one of these top schools in sixth grade, you’ll find that, one, admissions offices are not ready to meet a sixth grader, and two, a sixth grader is not ready to meet the admissions office.”
8. Help your son get to know his resume.
The interview plays a big role in boarding school admissions, but middle school boys are not always confident telling their stories to adults. Your son might have a great resume, but to shine in a boarding school admissions interview, he should be able to talk about the experiences he has had.
“I tell boys to know their resume, because they want to be able to talk knowledgeably about what they’re doing and where they’re going,” Tim shares. “This is their one opportunity to present who they are.”
This can be challenging for boys who’ve been told their whole lives not to brag.
“Certainly, you don’t want it to come across as boastful, but if your son doesn’t bring up a particular experience, how is the interviewer going to know?”
9. Get a Head Start at a Junior Boarding School
There are a number of excellent reasons to consider a junior boarding school like Fessenden for your son’s middle school years. Among them are that, at a junior boarding school, your son will gain many of the traits top secondary schools look for, like a willingness to make long-term commitments and confidence speaking with adults and other students.
In addition, the relationships your son will build in a junior boarding school community — with faculty, staff, students, and other families — will serve him through the rest of his academic career, wherever it takes him.
Has this got you interested in junior boarding schools? Read more about the benefits of a boarding school education.
